three modest proposals re: renewable energy

There seems to be no lack of energy when it comes to discussing the price of gas. Although harnessing the power of all the nation's moving jaws would seem to be impractical, I thought I would get the discussion going by offering three "modest proposals" towards solving the problem of procuring cheap and renewable energy. I'm appealing to the scientific community out there to run with these ideas, as I am what is charitably known as a "right-brained" thinker and unable to focus on details such as matching my socks, paying my bills, or even maintaining a weed-free lawn.

So (taking a deep breath and cueing the elegaic music that only an petrochemical company playing "clean" can afford to commission) here are my three ideas.

1) For heating our houses in the winter, scientists at our leading agricultural schools should begin working on a new kind of pet, one who would combine maximum heat exuding properties with minimum bulk, so that by keeping the animal in our domicile heat would be radiated and fuel bills reduced. Increasingly efficient ratios of feeding to heat generation could be developed in a controlled population, and tax incentives for families or individuals who would adopt these pets could be instituted.

2) Similiarly, an animal developed for summer cohabitation could be bred to perspire excessively, and by this action serve to cool the surrounding air when stabled in the living quarters. Electricity use could then be reduced by this organic "air conditioner".

3) Although this may be an unoriginal idea, I haven't heard it elsewhere, and so here I am proposing that there is an untapped reservoir of energy being wasted in our country at the various gymnasiums, health spas, and other athletic facilities. This energy, created by millions of health conscious fitness buffs on millions of treadmills, could be tapped into and fed to the power grid. Competitive incentives could be created, such as "Kilowatt Derbies" where towns could vie for the lead in producing energy. I am certain that, retrofitted properly, we could cut our dependence on foreign oil quickly.